Showing posts from 2008

How Cute Is This Hat?

I finished my cable hat. I LOVE IT! I'm knitting another one right away. Yes, I'm going to wear it today, in spite of the balmy 78 degree weather.

Knitting The Night Away

I recently discovered that one of my friends is a knitter. She is fantastic! I've known her for about 5 years and never once did I hear about this hobby of hers. Recently, we haven't been as close, but I'm trying to make up for my non-existence in my friends' lives. When I went to see her new home, I saw her work; she was working a bunch of scarves. Her work was so professional and her stitches were so pretty and orderly and neat (sort of like her). She gave me a bunch of good ideas which I put into practice right away. It was like I rediscovered my friend.

There is no local yarn store near me so basically my experience is limited to Michaels and JoAnns. Michaels had a big sale last Sunday, so I bought several skeins of a wine-colored Bernat yarn (sport satin). The pattern on the label was so cute that I ran home and downloaded the free pattern. It's a cute cable hat (easy pattern - good for me). This is my progress so far.

I love knitting with this yarn; i…

I Forgot

I've had to start over so many times that I have lost a lot of my memories, both tangible and in my thoughts.

Occasionally someone who remembers me finds me on Facebook and send me an email. For a few, I sit on the email for weeks or months, not sure what to write back. Others, I respond to right away. I can't tell you why I do this; but it's quirky. One friend, from high school, wrote me a very nice email about 2 months ago. It's still in my inbox, but I haven't responded.

As I move past an event in my life; it's treated like the pages of a book folding up on top of themselves. In my head, the memory gets sucked into a black hole. I have a terrible time recalling so many things now, and now is when I really want to know. I protected myself to my own detriment.

Blog First, Title Last

My postings suffer because I focus on the title of the post; then I build some type of narrative around it. Because my mind is going so many different directions right now, I've decided to just start typing and the title will come to me.

Our office had a Christmas lunch at Gaylord Palms Resort in Kissimmee, where we celebrated with a buffet lunch and then we all went to see the exhibition called ICE. ICE is a collection of ice scupltures (in Florida, yes, ice is a big deal) with a Christmas theme. Outside of this exhibit is a collection of Florida county Christmas wreaths. I had to take a picture of my hometown, Polk County.

Then we venture into the exhibit (really you are just walking into a big freezer). The hotel provides you with a heavy-duty jacket but you supply anything more, such as mittens, hats, or scarves. I brought my knitted hat. The ice scupltures were very well crafted and the room with gigantic ice ornaments was cool (no pun intended).

One room had two or th…

Close Up and Personal

Just a quick couple of photos, close up, of my latest scarf. The pattern is a tri-cable and it's really pretty. The yarn is just too busy to show it off well. I should have made this in one solid color and the pattern would pop out. Live and learn!

So You Just Figured Out We're In a Recession?

I have to laugh - the top story on the evening news was confirmation that yes Virginia, there is a recession, and we are in the thick of it. I roll my eyes at this news broadcast because while most of the country is just a few months into this ridiculous economy, I've been watching it unfold for about a year and a half.

Around June of 2007, a bunch of mortgage lenders starting losing business and shutting their doors. At that time, I was in the thick of the mortgage closing business so the monthly reports of friends and colleagues losing their jobs was troublesome and becoming more and more commonplace. So now, 18 months later, I'm thinking that I cannot imagine having to put up with this for another four or five years!

The news is also reporting that here in the State of Florida, we are in a serious budget shortfall, and, in order to balance, there are going to be massive state layoffs. Even if you don't work for the State, by now, everyone should realize there is alw…

The Day After

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I went to my dad's this holiday and we actually had a nice meal. No turkey, just ham, but I'm going to the store today and getting a turkey breast (thanks to my brother for that idea). Last year, we went out to eat and it was depressing and the food was not good. This year was a definite improvement in the food category and, most importantly, we have leftovers.

I haven't picked up my knitting since my move, but I managed to keep all my projects and stash in a fairly organized mess. After today, I'm hoping to spend one day this four-day weekend indulging in my favorite hobby.

I do a lot of thinking driving back and forth from my father's house. I can't believe that I'm almost 38 years old. I can't believe that I made it this far and didn't have children. Could I have messed up my life any more than I have?

Then I opened up all the windows, turned up my radio, and sang my voice out. That chased away the …

Life In Short

I've downsized. Moved from a two-bedroom, two-and-one-half bath two story townhome to a one bedroom, one bath apartment. It's like moving from a mansion to a dorm room. I thought it would be cozy and quaint, but I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. I never thought I had a lot of "stuff" but I'm moving quite a few things into the discard and charity piles.

Good news is that I'm very close to work (as long as I continue to be employed there) and I will be saving money every month on rent, tolls, and gas.

I'm just a bit under-inspired.

That's all.

How Far Would You Go For Chocolate?

Tonight we drove a hour to go a chocolate store that allows you to make your own chocolate treats - all types of toppings and molds and treats to be decorated, dipped, and designed with white, dark, and milk chocolate. My designs turned out to be pretty remedial. Towards the end I was just piling stuff on top of each other and drizzling chocolate all over it. I just quit being fancy. Needless to say, this place is not offering me a job decorating goodies.

In What Direction Am I Headed?

First, I have to express my gratitude for every morning because I certainly need the "do-over" each new day provides.

Some anonymous person made sure I was notified that my ex-boyfriend just had a baby with his girlfriend. Am I upset about it? Yes, to the extent that I wish had a family. I don't need him anymore; leaving him three years ago was my survival instinct kicking in. But the news of his new child, something I had failed at during our time together, was difficult to process. Not much can come of me reliving past mistakes (as I have so many new ones to contemplate), so I force it to the back of my thoughts, where it only shows itself in my dreams.

I'm moving. To a smaller place much closer to my current job. I should be settled in by the end of the month. I'm determined to get back to knitting; I still feel so green and I believe my work reflects it. There is a yarn store called Sip N Knit near my new home, and they have a Tuesday night meeting whe…

Where I Want To Be

While watching my all-time favorite show, Mad Men, I was struck by the ending scene where the protagonist is wading into the ocean (in the case of the tv show it was the Pacific).

I've always loved the ocean; so many of my childhood memories and feelings are tied up in our annual trips to the beach. For as far back as I can really remember (and what I can't remember I have evidenced in pictures), my family vacationed for one week a year during July-August in Anna Maria Island, Gulf of Mexico, Florida. We always stayed at the same motel, which was just a small collection of rooms; not the big hotel condominiums that you might be imagining.

If I could describe nirvana or heaven or the perfect peace, I would tell you about my vacations to Anna Maria Island. The whole summer was built upon the anticipation of piling in our little family car (we never had a big car; my parents drove a Ford Tempo or a Mazda 4-door low level model); all we packed was a bunch of beach towels and pl…

Don't Expect Me To Be Patient

I worry about everything. And now, I'm starting to worry.

Things are spinning freakishly out of control. Who would have guessed? My life is all messed up.

Freakish does not adequate describe my life. I think one of the ladies at work is a demented psycho - she smiles this weird fake smile that makes me squirm. I can barely look at her when she breaks into this weird look. But looks I can forgive...I'm not a beauty either. But this girl has pushed me over the crazy ledge.

What did she do that makes me despise her so much? It's hard (and boring) to go into with relative strangers. I've decided that the best way to handle her is with the most basic and general answers I can muster. You see, part of this girl's most annoying characteristics is to ask me the most mundane and ridiculous questions. So I'm responding in kind.

Example of our conversation. I'm called Me. She-who-must-be-ignored is Her.

Her: (holding a Fedex airbill) How do I fill out on…

My First Tag

I have to give credit to Holly, who tagged me and inspired me to start posting again.

My seven weird and/or random facts about me:

1. I sleep with my eyeglasses on. Eventually I take them off sometime during the night but I really like the idea waking up and being able to see (I realize that this just means I should break down and get lasik surgery....)

2. I love the television show Mad Men. It's on AMC on Sunday nights. I watch it at 10 p.m. and then I watch the repeat immediately after at 11 p.m. (in case I miss anything).

3. Supposedly I saved my brother from drowning when we were very little. I was watching my brother (I was about 6, he was 3) while my parents were swimming in a local lake. My brother went into the water and started to struggle and I screamed for my parents, who got him out of the water. Now no one can exactly remember what happened and there are varying stories (I think I was on the beach; my mother thinks I was also in the water). Before you start get…

The Market Fell Apart But I'm Still Here

Wow, it's been a while since I've written. I did not mean to take such a long hiatus; and I've been thinking about the blog for weeks. I was not intentionally avoiding my duties; I liken my absence to the voicemail message from that friend who called weeks ago. I've been meaning to call her back but something else inevitably comes up.

My brother and his wife were in town on the weekend of September 20. My parents (and their significant others) hosted a dinner party for Tony and Julie. My brother and I agree that the weekend went smoothly as possible. I felt very left out; very out of place. I look so different than everyone else. My weight is ridiculous. Strangely, I don't feel that overweight or big, but the pictures taken show me a completely new, and very scary, side of me. I just see myself as plump, but I look at the pictures and I see a very big girl. I'm very scared and when I get scared, I just freeze. I can't do anything when I'm scare…

Still On Track

It's lunchtime here in Central Florida, and I am still awaiting the arrival of Tropical Storm Fay. So far, not much rain has fallen and the winds are relatively calm. The local news people are telling me that we still start to feel the effects within a few hours. Oh joy.

I got up early today and completed phase two of my master cleaning plan. I cleaned all three bathrooms. Tomorrow is the bedroom.

Although now I have a ton of laundry piled up. Perhaps I need to start working on that today, since it's still relatively early and my hands are idle.

For the last three weekends in a row, my good friend Danielle has had garage sales. Last night, around 9 p.m. or so, I got the cleaning bug and hauled out a bunch of stuff for a garage sale. Danielle said she's going to have another one this Saturday.

If Danielle is still up to the fourth garage sale in a row this Saturday, I'm going to pack my car and take this stuff over to her house. I will take any offer for my thi…

Into My Life, A Little Rain Must Fall

Tropical Storm Fay is headed our way, probably hitting Central Florida tomorrow mid-morning.

I've been pretty lazy about housework lately. I'm at the point where is it too much to try to take care of in one morning. Therefore, in a sign of my ongoing maturity, I have decided to tackle one room a day. In this way, I get the house clean within the week under manageable conditions.

Today, the first day, I took on the kitchen. I cleaned out the refrigerator and freezer. I stockpiled ice (for the storm). Also, the shelves and pantry are organized. The stove and microwave got a thorough cleaning. I even put stuff aside for my friend's garage sale at the end of the week. Finally, I got on my hands and knees and cleaned the floor.

Whew! I love a clean kitchen; although the rest of the house is unkempt, my kitchen gives me hope.

Tomorrow is the big storm and I'm taking on the bathrooms (2 and 1/2 technically). They aren't that big so I can consolidate them into &qu…

I'm Not a Prodigy

I've been knitting since Memorial Day weekend, which is about 3 months. I love knitting. It's the one hobby (other than reading) that I'm serious about and I haven't given up before I ever really started (Example: Piano lessons - which, by the way, I still have all my books, notes from the four or so lessons I took, and the Casio keyboard I bought. I keep hoping I will go back to it one day. Sure......just like I'm going to lose this weight).

Back to knitting. I feel invested with this hobby but practical in the same vein. I have not bought a ton of yarn (partly due to me being out of work but also because I'm not good enough to buy the expensive yarn). I'm really a novice. Especially when I peruse the knitting blogs and forums out there.

You know what really makes me jealous? Socks!!! People who knit socks. I am in awe over the beauty and the workmanship it takes to knit socks. I could spend all day looking at knitted socks. When I go to the bookstore, I fl…

Still Stumbling Along

I'm into my second (and last) week of babysitting. I've settled into a routine with the 2-year old. She's still unhappy to see me on certain occasions (I can't hold it against her). After this assignment, I have to start focusing on finding regular employment. I miss regular work, and the freedom that a paycheck brings you. It doesn't have to be a big paycheck, after all, there are no kids and no husband in my life. It's just me and a few bills.

I'm slowly working on my knitting. Funny thing is that once you learn one skill, you have to learn four other skills to finish a piece. I'm so backwards at blocking and seaming. I think I need to find a group of knitters in my area to sit down with and learn and watch.

I'm making a purse for the little girl I'm babysitting. It needs to be seamed and I have to make a cord for the shoulder strap. I'm not quite sure what an I-cord is, but I've seen it in my knitting books and I'm wondering if th…

As Promised, A Peek At My Knitting

This is the reversible cable scarf that I am knitting. I got the free pattern from this site. However, my choice of yarn doesn't show the cables very nicely. My scarf is going to end up being very thick. I really like the colors in this yarn (it's Acrylic/Alpaca blend).

I enjoy knitting this pattern - it's very easy to do (I can even do it while babysitting). I think I've got the hang of cables now. I plan to try to do more cable designs. They just look so nice and like you put a bunch of work into it (when really it's quite simple to do).

For my second project, I'm working on a sweater. The pattern is from a book I bought, Knitting Simple Sweaters From Luxurious Yarns. And no, I didn't use a luxurious yarn....I used a wool yarn that was on sale at Michael's.

I've finished the back panel and I'm so close to finishing the front panel. I will need to start and finish the sleeves. Once that is finished, I can block the garment and stitch everything …

How Much Can I Take?

So I've been out of work for over three weeks now. I'm babysitting for the next two weeks (so I consider this work - hell, I'm getting paid for it and it gets me out of the house so it's work!!!).

Unfortunately for me, I entertained an offer to go back to my old job. This is how it went down....they called me and asked me (twice!!) to come back. So I made an appointment to go in for an interview. (Now, at this point, I'm a little miffed that I have to "interview" but I can play the game....) During the interview, they offered me considerably less than what I was making before to come back. I turned them down. Perhaps not the wisest decision financially but I was extremely disappointed by this turn of events. I felt that I put myself out to be humiliated by them. First, I agreed to an interview and then I had to sit there and listen to them try to sell me on a much lower salary.

Because I quit, this gives them the right to come back to me and s…

Make Me a Better Person

Today I learned how to be a better person. Apparently, I'm not as nice as I should be. Normally, my response to this criticism (constructive or not) is "too bad, so sad". I don't feel the need to be what someone else thinks I should be, especially if it involves me being sweet or nice or any variance thereof.

However, this request came from my mother about my attitude towards her significant other. Okay, I'm going to try. Actually I've been making baby steps towards being nice to her SO but it's not enough for people to actually take notice and congratulate me. So I have to put on fake happiness and sweetness around those two and hope that they don't see it as sarcasm.

Summer television has kept me from being that crazy girl who flips the channels over and over and over, thinking that with each revolution I might stumble upon some amazing show (it never happens). I'm very satisfied with the reality shows (Project Runway, Shear Genius, Big Brother)…

Does It Really Matter?

My dreams have been crazy wild lately. They are so vivid to me, and they seem to be my just-before-waking dreams. I wake up so in the moment. Most of my dreams involve me being chased or followed, not always in a sinister way. Sometimes the dreams are very dark and scary (life-threatening), while others seem more fantasy or anime-like.

I was at the pool today (for only a few hours) and I'm so red. I'm too old to be damaging my skin like this. I made a mistake and I will not go to the pool again without covering my skin.

I'm going to Plant City tomorrow to visit my grandmother. Mom is coming to pick me up around 10 or so. My grandmother is a very sweet lady but her house is amazingly dirty and just barely qualifies for habitability. She's never ever been a housekeeper. When I was younger, my mother used to make me go over to the house and spend the day filling garbage bags with trash from the house, cleaning the kitchen, spraying for roaches, etc. I resented it so much b…

When Life Hands You Lemons, Just Relax

I'm feeling no pain right now. While I've been out of work for a whole week, I'm not feeling pressured to return to the land of the working man. I have been looking for other jobs in the area because I miss the interaction and the daily challenges any job can bring. My desire is to do something creative with my life; I love shopping at the craft stores and just browsing the aisles, touching the yarns, imagining if I had unlimited funds to buy and create all day. That dream makes me so happy. That's a first for me.

So I have enough money to last me through a few months; thus the reason for my seemingly-carefree life. I do need to find a job. I'm not crazy; just living for the moment for once. Living to be happy. Relaxing.

So I've completed the back panel of my sweater, and I'm almost done with the front portion of my sweater (picture follows). I don't think that this sweater is going to be proportionally correct. However, I'm still going f…

It's About Undoing Things

Oh gosh. I had knitted about 15" of my sweater (the back panel) when, last night, I made a mistake. I tried in vain to fix it but ended up making it worse. I unknitted...

(Off Tangent: My co-worker Hillary had a loan that we funded but the house was not ready for closing, so she asked the title company to return the wire. This way she could re-send the wire when the house was ready to be transferred. When we contacted the lender about the proper procedure, our account executive asked "Did you unfund the loan?" The word unfund had us in giggles all day. We couldn't explain why. It's just a funny word.)...
all of the stitches, all rows, back to what I am guessing they call yarn puke. My pattern is so easy that I'm back to about 2" of new knitting. I'm really unsure of how to do the neck opening and how I am going to sew the seams together. I am not very good at sewing. I suspect I'll be on the Knitting Help site and asking a lot of questions.

As for …

Is It Cold Enough For You?

I started my sweater. It's not exactly the yarn I wanted but this wool/acrylic blend was only $1 per skein at Michael's.

The lady at Michael's told me that just looking at my wool was making her hot. July in Florida; I guess that's the reason this stuff was so cheap.

This is my last week at work. My nerves are setting in but I'm trying to overcome my fears. I'm determined to make this a good decision. And I keep telling myself that everything is going to be okay.

Continuing Education

I'm going to JoAnn's today. I want to pick up some yarn for my first sweater. According to the pattern, I need a 50/50 cotton/acrylic blend. I'm excited about it. I'll probably treat myself to Starbucks too, since there are two in the immediate vicinity.

Last night, I experimented with cables. I made a really simple test swatch of with a left-twisting cable. It worked!!!

I know that it's not perfect but the cable part of it looks right.

The funny thing about learning how to knit is that I started out with two books and a beginner's kit from JoAnn's. The how-to books were helpful, but now that I'm armed with a little bit of knowledge, I'm re-reading them and actually gaining so much more from them. I understand the concepts now and it feels more like reading for enjoyment than like I'm reading from a textbook.

My hair is so long - I need a hair cut. Hair cuts are very scary for me since my hair is naturally curly; I don't trust anyone. That&#…

No Compromise

My co-workers are still telling me that they can't believe I'm leaving. I hear from most folks that I will be back, that this work is in my blood. While I agree that the salary is very nice, I am 100% willing to walk away from it in order to find a better quality life. This week alone I've worked 12 to 14 hours EVERY DAY. There is no respite from this pattern. My trip from the house to the office is 30 to 40 minutes; I use this time to fantasize about the future and ponder on my wasted life. I'm not going to say that I'm not worried or scared, but I am also excited and willing to risk things in order to find a balance. I don't have a family or children; what is the reason I need to throw my whole life away for a job?

The community I live in switched cable companies. I basically ignored all the hubbub since basic cable and internet is provided as a part of my rent. However, I lost Internet connectivity for 2 days because my modem was not registered as a part of …

In The Middle of a Mess

It's hard to describe just how difficult it is to be an employee at my present company. Yes, there are policies and procedures, but any outside person can effectively sway decision making because management is so afraid to take any stance. The only reason the company works is simply because the people working there are so dedicated and experienced; they make it work in spite of the obstacles and ridiculous demands of management. This is really the reason I'm leaving; I just cannot handle the bullshit anymore.

That being said, the people I work with are really funny. We seem to have as many good times as we do bad (and the bad are based on outside influences, not from each other). If I could force myself to stay, I would love to continue working with them. However, that alone is not enough to keep me there.

I'm working until July 11.

My Car Needs Gas

It was raining so bad on the way home from work today. People actually pulled off the side of the road to wait the rain out. I did the responsible thing and got off my cell phone call and actually put both hands on the wheel. About half way home, my gas light came on. I absolutely must get gas before I go to work in the morning.

It looks like I'll be working through June. My replacement starts tomorrow. I have to train her in these next few weeks. Basically that means I have to do things EXACTLY by the book and I have to be on my best behavior. No more complaining or whining. It will be a rough few weeks. Being positive is not exactly my strong suit.

I am working on more washcloths; I've also just started working on a small purse. The purse is completely knitted, with a simple cord for the handle and button loop for the closure. My brother sent me a pattern for a laptop cover. Looks like a felting project, which I would like to learn how to do.

I'm watching Family Guy on Ad…

You Always Remember Your First

Driving to visit my dad this weekend, I thought about how my life has not taken any direct path. I have meandered all over the place, skipping key events due to my insecurities or my poor choices. I started by summarizing my major relationships with men; my father, who loved me but only when I was the perfect daughter, the husband who I had little physical affection with or for, the lover who I obsessed over. Somewhere in there I lost my direction; I found it acceptable to dismiss my obligations and left them for others to pay for it. I never had children. I jumped from job to job, trying to support someone else.

I see it in the way I knit. I make mistakes. Usually, when I try to fix it, I make the problem worse. So I cover it up the best way I can and go on. Covering up. Avoidance. That's the way I've lived my life now for longer than I can remember.

I have moments where I feel utterly terrified about life. I almost panic over it. Most of all I do not want my family to know w…

Still Crazy After All These Years

During one six-year period in my life, I was addicted to a man. Our up and down relationship ended so many times, with me leaving but always coming back. The last time I obviously left for good, but not before I did the craziest things due to heartache and jealously and regret. I've cooled down since then, and I've always reassured myself that the craziness I suffered from was just a blip on the radar of my entire life. I think now that I was dead wrong.

I quit my job. Yep, I quit. In the middle of the worst economy in my lifetime, I quit. I don't feel bad about it. I am very nervous but I am avoiding that right now. I'm planning to take a month break and start to work again, this time with the right attitude. I know now, more than any other time in my life, that I have the ability to do most any office job. In the past, I was always so unsure about my abilities, but the one thing I learned in this mess of a career is that I always blow things out of proporti…

The Beginning Or The End?

Here's my latest project, a scarf. Boring because I am using one color, but I'm moving onto bigger and better projects as soon as it's done.

I can't figure out why I'm not happy. I think I need a change of scenery. This might be solve by me getting away from my job. Not just a vacation, but a change of careers. I would love to start over and reinvent myself somewhere new. I've got so many old things hanging over my head everywhere I look. I'm still so near to my hometown that I do not feel like I can ever truly let go and just live.

I'm ready for something new.

Hurray For Saturday

I'm so glad the weekend is here. Thursday and Friday were killer days at work; this is the first time I left at the end of month, unsure of what Monday will bring. I usually don't leave until every loose end is finished and there are no ambiguous closings. This month was different. I don't know what is done and what is not done. I guess I will see on Monday.

There was a neighborhood garage sale today in my subdivision. When I was younger, my mother and I used to visit garage sales and rummage sales. My father hated it - he really disliked us purchasing other people's garbage. He never saw the value in getting a deal, or in the old adage that one man's junk is another man's treasure. Also, perhaps he could not see the long-term benefit of a parent and a child spending time together. As simple as it sounds, I am glad I have those memories of me and my mom together, even though I am sure I was a reluctant companion to her on those trips. Mom and I don't share t…

Embracing My Inner Grandma

I have not yet given up on this hobby. I am becoming obsessive about it (who, me?)but I find it so relaxing at the same time. My mistakes frustrate me - I tend to just rip out everything I've done (even after working on it for a hour). Part of learning means I have to figure out how to fix the mistakes and not completely tear apart something for one little mistake. I am trying to hook up with other knitters so I can compare my style with theirs. It's easy with this craft to start doing something wrong and when no one experienced is watching you, you never know if you are doing it all wrong.

With knitting, they lure you in with the promise that you only have to learn two ways of stitches, and everything else is built off of these two stitches. Sounds so easy, right? I start reading ahead in my how-to books. (Sidebar: This was always my MO in school. I read ahead. And then when the teacher asked questions, thinking that she could stump us, I had already read and, VOILA!, I could…

I Never Promised You a Knitted Sweater

I bought two how-to-knit books at the bookstore (and another three fiction novels, I love bookstores). I spent two night just reading about knitting because I had to work late (thanks to the new no-overtime policy, rat bastards). I could never get out of work in enough time to get to the fabric store to actually buy some knitting needles and some yarn.

When I finally make it to JoAnn's, I buy a starter kit, some cheap yarn, and small scissors. Note to Self: There is a beginner's class for knitting at JoAnn's in June - I need to sign up. The first night I am totally confused. I can't decipher the pictures and the words describing how I am supposed to twist the yarn or my fingers or whatever! The next night I finally figure it out by watching a YouTube video. I finally figure how to get the first row of stitches on the needle.

Yep, I do this for two nights. Get one row of stitches on the needle and that's it. I unravel it and start all over. I can't figure out how…

Let Me Go!!!

I really hate my job. I cannot authorize overtime for my team, but the work is still coming in. They expect me to work on it (the salaried employee). The answer is no. This job is the reason, like it or not, than I am out of shape and that all of my friendships and familial relationships are in the toliet. I want out of this job.

I am learning how to knit. I bought two books (reading is fundamental) and I am going to buy the actual tools to start practicing. Of course, I think I think reading is the answer to everything.

I've been having weird dreams. I think I might start blogging about them. I will have to edit the names in order to protect the innocent.

In Love With This Commercial

Perhaps it's just the song but I actually stop what I'm doing to watch this....

Tony Stark is No McDreamy

I saw two movies this weekend. Iron Man and Made of Honor.

MoH is just a reverse of My Best Friend's Wedding. And I don't watch Grey's Anatomy. But Can't Buy Me Love is a great 80's movie. I'm totally bored by this movie and I end up dreaming up my own idea for entry into the "star-crossed lovers end up at the altar with the wrong person" movies. I realize that we need to see a movie from the point of view from the person left at the altar. All of these types of movies completely disregard the feelings of the poor sap or pathetic girl left standing there in front of family and friends, watching their whole world fall apart. It's not funny or romantic or sensible. Why should I feel happy for the couple who finally realizes they should be together, only at the cost of someone else's future and feelings and happiness? What happens in these movies is almost tanamount to cheating. And even the music in this movie sucked. Love Song b…

Ugly Is Right To The Bone

I can't help it. I'm just not a very friendly person in the morning. One of the worst things is to walk into to your job on a Monday morning and have someone immediately start telling you things that you need to do. Hello? Could I please put my purse away? Nope. I have to start answering her questions RIGHT THAT SECOND. Could I please catch my breath from walking up three flights of stairs (I am so out of shape)? Nope. I have to give my undivided attention to her.

And you know what else is annoying? People who walk up to my desk and hand me something that has nothing to do with the loan I'm currently working on. Hello? That's why there is a "in box" on my desk. Please do not hand me random pieces of paper. I work on four million things at one time and if you hand me that paper, I will probably put it in the file I'm currently working on. Then I will spend 30 minutes later in the day, searching for that damn piece of paper I know you handed…

Funny Face

How amazing is this painting? I know the artist. Wait until I post the one he is working on now. It's about 2 weeks from completion. I bought a desk today online at Target. It's a Pottery Barn-style but for the Target price. I can't wait for the stimulus check from the IRS. I'm going to buy a television. Yes, I am going to spend it. Those of you planning to stash it away in the savings account or to pay a bill aren't following directions! (And I am a HUGE believer in following directions.) So, even though I do not support the ideology of the Bush Presidency, I understand the purpose behind the checks. I'm going to kick the economy in the ass!!! I'm spending every little penny of my (estimated) $600. What does the purchase of my desk have to do with the stimulus check? Nothing.

The Big Sleep

I'm wide awake, wishing I could find some way to fall asleep. I painted my toenails. I am now channel-surfing, trying to find that perfect movie on television. The one that does not require any thought and I can just leave it on in the background and doze off.

I think I'm really weird. I think I make weird faces (and I don't mean to). Truthfully, I am not very attractive. Upsetting, considering my parents are typically attractive people. And my brother is also appealing. How did I end up so far off?

My house is clean and has been for almost five days. I've actually done laundry during the work week; and I have been making my lunch at home.

I want to take a weekend trip to the beach - leave on Friday night and spend the weekend. I'm going to plan it this week; it will give me something to look forward to.

The Next Two Weeks Will Be Hell

I'm not looking forward to the end of April. Every end of month is basically a big suck. With my job, I'm expected to control the world and all who inhabit it. I always fail. Currently, me and my team are in a "hurry up and wait" mode. Files are going to come in rapid fire next week, and we will have to compromise our standards for the sake of production.

I've been formulating short stories in my mind while driving to work. I'm wondering how well they would translate into the written word. I imagine that the shorter and sweeter the blog remarks the better - don't most people suffer from attention-deficient disorder? I fear that my stories would be like a wall of text and not very appealing to the masses. Still, I think it's something I should attempt.

I feel very alone tonight.....

Figure It Out

Seriously, the stupidest thing happened at work today. Big deal VIPs were meeting today, and they lined us up outside of the conference room (reminiscent of picture day in elementary school) and we were introduced and paraded through their meeting. We waited outside of this meeting for 30 minutes (my feet were killing me - stupid high heels), for 2 seconds of exposure. One of the most lame experiences in my professional career.

To get our department ready for these guests, we had to clean up - organize - and put forward our best face. Of course, once we cleaned up all the files, then everyone came in and said we didn't have enough to do because there were no files on our desk.

My job is all about making the impossible happen and controlling the spin of the Earth on its axis, and why can't I make it all happen 30 minutes ago?

You Can't Go Home Again

Today, the local news was bombarded by a story out of Lakeland, my hometown. The story was revolting - six teenage girls kidnapped and severely beat another teen girl. The gang of girls videotaped the assault, allegedly to make a video for YouTube. While I am very disturbed by their behavior, I found the reporting of the incident to be so egregious. Over and over this morning, the news channel talking heads reported how terrible these actions were, and how sad it was that these girls decided to become insta-celebrities via YouTube. THE WHOLE TIME THEY LAMENT THIS THEY ARE PLAYING THE VIDEO ON THE SCREEN. How 'bout NOT showing the tape? Over and over I have to watch the video of this poor girl getting smacked around, while some blond robot woman regurgitates meaningless dialogue.

I know Lakeland is not as sophisticated as other cities, and Polk County just sounds a little "back-woods-y". However, I believe this just cements that Lakeland is the home of mostly…

It's the Economy, Stupid

Has the decline in the job market and the economy (seriously, $3.30 a gallon for gas???) made everyone a sourpuss? What happened to being happy for happiness' sake? Of course, this is quite ironic coming from a grumpbump like me. Sometimes I fancy myself an actress and in this way I find it quite easy to pretend to be sweet and happy-go-lucky. Ah, but when you get to know me, I become quite the grouch.

It's just an overall sense that I get when I'm out and about that people seem so self-involved. I blame the economy - as everyone pulls inward to protect themselves. I have so many friends that lost their jobs due to the real estate market slowdown. Businesses we were dealing with a year ago have shut their doors. I've never been caught in such a marketplace before; I've always felt protected from ups and downs of the economy. Not now. Every week at work, I hear a familiar tune about how lucky I am to have a paycheck. Really, it feels like an excuse to…

It's All About You

I am working 50 to 60 hours per week on a constant basis. I am not proud of this.

I'm always planning something. What I do could be classified as scheming....I always have grandiose plans and ideas floating around; random thoughts on a CVS receipt, my to-do list running through my mind, or my hurried writing in my journal. It's the planning that keeps me looking forward to each day. I just don't feel satisfied until I can count some of these ideas as items accomplished.

Something on my horizon is another trip to D.C. I have not decided if I want to stretch my budget for this, as I don't think it would be too relaxing. My next vacation needs to be relaxing. I have fond memories of the Gulf Coast; my family would vacation there when I was young. Actually I have fantasized about moving to St. Pete/Clearwater; I can imagine driving to work and smelling the ocean. It would put me in such a good mood in the morning (as I am currently a terrible grumpbump when I wake up).

Even w…

Maybe Just One Day Off

I need a day off just to take of all the little things that I've let pile up and have now become major issues. I get very overwhelmed very easily.

Last weekend, I saw Michael Buble in concert at the UCF Arena. I was worried that the show would be boring, although I really like his music. The show was awesome! He was so funny, kept everything very light. At point, he segued into Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit. And his opening act is a group called Naturally 7, seven men who use their voices for song and for sound (as mimicking a musical instrument). The man who did percussion and the one who voiced the bass were the best of the group. Their music was Christian in type, but it was very enjoyable.

I was worried because I bought the tickets for my mom as a birthday gift, and I was not sure that the crooner/swing part of Michael Buble would interest her. Lucky for me that we had good seats and the two plus hours seemed to fly by. Even if you didn't know MB's original songs…

Dirty is Perpetual; Clean is a Pipe Dream

Explain to me why my house cannot stay clean for more than a few days? And just because it's not clean (in the sense that I would not want company over), doesn't automatically put you in the "dirty" category. I prefer the term "messy", as in I need to pick up my clothes (on the floor) and I need to put away the dishes (at least I managed to wash them). And when you work six days a week, spending your only day off cleaning up is not really something to look forward to.

My favorite quick clean routine consists of Febreeze, $1 Store Orange Wipes, and my Ipod. Febreeze is the greatest invention; it gives the illusion of clean without any strenuous work. If I could just apply those principles to my own life. No more poochy belly - just spray! All my electronic components working in harmony -just spray. Irony is that I can get rid of poochy belly because stereo/playstation/wii/hd tuner refuse to work in tandem and I'm constantly up and down trying…

Lie Down With The Dogs, Get Up With A Black Eye?

The first game of the soccer season was yesterday, the Over-30 Division C League, that is. I brought the camera to get some action shots, but I was not that quick on the draw. I ended up with shots of guys standing around waiting for the ball to come to them.

The best part was when Steve shoved an opposing player for no reason, causing the crowd to call him a "hot head". Turns out that the ball smacked Steve in the eye and he was pushing the opponent from him because he couldn't see. Of course, I missed that shot, too.

The Dirt Dogs (Steve's team) lost 2-1. Steve walked away with a cool black eye, instead of some lame non-visual and therefore not very believeable injury.