Showing posts from July, 2006

Things I Won't Apologize for

1. Drama - As the one thing I got from my mother, it's a trait that some find annoying - recounting stories with overacting, hand gestures, pregnant pauses or facing a situation with exaggerated facial expressions and my loud voice. Sometimes I feel like my life has encouraged or attracted drama, but it comes pretty natural to me. My friend, Michele, calls me DM, not for my initials but for "Drama Mama".

2. My car - I've never been a huge fan of cars, they are transportation, a means to an end, that's all. But for a while, I had a strong desire to own a station wagon. You know, the Brady Bunch 70's-era station wagon. So when I bought a new car, I got the closest thing to it, but kind of cute and sporty - the Toyota Matrix. Oh, yeah, it's Japanese, too. No apologizing for that either.

3. My rules - I don't call boys; I don't care how childish it is. These rules are carefully crafted and drawn up by serious and insightful discussion b…

Proof I'm on on the right track

While at Target on Friday with my good friend, Heather, my eye focused on the selection of different gift cards.

I was amazed to see this one; of course I had to get it:

Tangible proof that the dude theory is persuasive and possibly an indication it should be expanded.

I will never forgive him

One relationship, over for more than one year, still takes up so much of my time. There are nights that I wake up from my sleep, and memories come flooding back to me from my past life. I am betrayed by my own mind, and I can't make things better by transferring the blame to someone else. The cycle continues as I get so angry at myself - I compound the lack of sleep with bitterness and anger turned inward.

The poisonous thoughts remain inside me and threaten my current relationship. So far, I've been good at suppressing them. However, last night, I was overwhelmed by feelings of loss and sadness. So much so that tears came to my eyes. How the hell am I to explain my sudden tears to the new man in my life? How is he to understand my conflict, which is completely self-induced? All of the evidence pointing to the fact that my decision a year ago was completely right and clearly the best thing I've ever done for myself, somehow still haunts my subconscious mind. How can I have…