My brother and his wife were in town on the weekend of September 20. My parents (and their significant others) hosted a dinner party for Tony and Julie. My brother and I agree that the weekend went smoothly as possible. I felt very left out; very out of place. I look so different than everyone else. My weight is ridiculous. Strangely, I don't feel that overweight or big, but the pictures taken show me a completely new, and very scary, side of me. I just see myself as plump, but I look at the pictures and I see a very big girl. I'm very scared and when I get scared, I just freeze. I can't do anything when I'm scared.
Last weekend, my mother celebrated her birthday. I went to a party at her house with some of her friends. It was a very nice day and I actually managed to buy her a gift. She's been very supportive (as usual) of my recent disengagement from the working public. I owe her a lot. And I was glad that my gift was thoughtful and not some last minute thing where I run to CVS and purchase a gift card.
I know you are wondering if I am gainfully employed. I am. I'm working for an attorney that I first worked for back in 2002 when I moved to Orlando with my ex-boyfriend. It's a job where I can work 8:30 to 5:00 and also have autonomy with my files. Another plus is that the office is pretty small and I have been asked (and eagerly stepped in) as the computer tech for the office. I'm going to have to move from my current residence and rent a place closer to the office. Right now, I'm spending a lot of money on gas and tolls. I can move to an apartment close to the office and save money on everything (gas, tolls, and rent).
The other issue I have with my current residence is that it is simply too big. I have too much room; I hate cleaning. I can tidy up and pick up after myself, but there is way too much room here and I seem to simply shut down when it comes to anything. I've given notice that I'm not renewing the lease so in November I'm out. I really need a smaller place.
I've been neglecting my knitting. But I will get back into it as soon as I am settled in whatever new apartment I rent. I'm working on a rug right now. I've finished the six squares that will be seamed together (no, they are not exactly the same shape so there will be challenges knitting it together). Here's a picture of it:
I feel really lucky and grateful to have a job and the possibilities in front of me. I'm missing hope. 2009 is going to be about me searching for hope.
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