Ugly Is Right To The Bone

I can't help it. I'm just not a very friendly person in the morning. One of the worst things is to walk into to your job on a Monday morning and have someone immediately start telling you things that you need to do. Hello? Could I please put my purse away? Nope. I have to start answering her questions RIGHT THAT SECOND. Could I please catch my breath from walking up three flights of stairs (I am so out of shape)? Nope. I have to give my undivided attention to her.

And you know what else is annoying? People who walk up to my desk and hand me something that has nothing to do with the loan I'm currently working on. Hello? That's why there is a "in box" on my desk. Please do not hand me random pieces of paper. I work on four million things at one time and if you hand me that paper, I will probably put it in the file I'm currently working on. Then I will spend 30 minutes later in the day, searching for that damn piece of paper I know you handed me. Very annoying. I don't sit at my desk all day waiting for you to hand me something.

I learn something new every day, and every day I'm amazed at what I previously ignored or just did not understand. Wow.

Funny Face

How amazing is this painting? I know the artist. Wait until I post the one he is working on now. It's about 2 weeks from completion.

I bought a desk today online at Target. It's a Pottery Barn-style but for the Target price. I can't wait for the stimulus check from the IRS. I'm going to buy a television. Yes, I am going to spend it. Those of you planning to stash it away in the savings account or to pay a bill aren't following directions! (And I am a HUGE believer in following directions.) So, even though I do not support the ideology of the Bush Presidency, I understand the purpose behind the checks. I'm going to kick the economy in the ass!!! I'm spending every little penny of my (estimated) $600.

What does the purchase of my desk have to do with the stimulus check? Nothing.

The Big Sleep

I'm wide awake, wishing I could find some way to fall asleep. I painted my toenails. I am now channel-surfing, trying to find that perfect movie on television. The one that does not require any thought and I can just leave it on in the background and doze off.

I think I'm really weird. I think I make weird faces (and I don't mean to). Truthfully, I am not very attractive. Upsetting, considering my parents are typically attractive people. And my brother is also appealing. How did I end up so far off?

My house is clean and has been for almost five days. I've actually done laundry during the work week; and I have been making my lunch at home.

I want to take a weekend trip to the beach - leave on Friday night and spend the weekend. I'm going to plan it this week; it will give me something to look forward to.

The Next Two Weeks Will Be Hell

I'm not looking forward to the end of April. Every end of month is basically a big suck. With my job, I'm expected to control the world and all who inhabit it. I always fail. Currently, me and my team are in a "hurry up and wait" mode. Files are going to come in rapid fire next week, and we will have to compromise our standards for the sake of production.

I've been formulating short stories in my mind while driving to work. I'm wondering how well they would translate into the written word. I imagine that the shorter and sweeter the blog remarks the better - don't most people suffer from attention-deficient disorder? I fear that my stories would be like a wall of text and not very appealing to the masses. Still, I think it's something I should attempt.

I feel very alone tonight.....

Figure It Out

Seriously, the stupidest thing happened at work today. Big deal VIPs were meeting today, and they lined us up outside of the conference room (reminiscent of picture day in elementary school) and we were introduced and paraded through their meeting. We waited outside of this meeting for 30 minutes (my feet were killing me - stupid high heels), for 2 seconds of exposure. One of the most lame experiences in my professional career.

To get our department ready for these guests, we had to clean up - organize - and put forward our best face. Of course, once we cleaned up all the files, then everyone came in and said we didn't have enough to do because there were no files on our desk.

My job is all about making the impossible happen and controlling the spin of the Earth on its axis, and why can't I make it all happen 30 minutes ago?

You Can't Go Home Again

Today, the local news was bombarded by a story out of Lakeland, my hometown. The story was revolting - six teenage girls kidnapped and severely beat another teen girl. The gang of girls videotaped the assault, allegedly to make a video for YouTube. While I am very disturbed by their behavior, I found the reporting of the incident to be so egregious. Over and over this morning, the news channel talking heads reported how terrible these actions were, and how sad it was that these girls decided to become insta-celebrities via YouTube. THE WHOLE TIME THEY LAMENT THIS THEY ARE PLAYING THE VIDEO ON THE SCREEN. How 'bout NOT showing the tape? Over and over I have to watch the video of this poor girl getting smacked around, while some blond robot woman regurgitates meaningless dialogue.

I know Lakeland is not as sophisticated as other cities, and Polk County just sounds a little "back-woods-y". However, I believe this just cements that Lakeland is the home of mostly white trash families raising the worst excuses for children - selfish, bratty, stupid kids. I never felt so bad about admitting my heritage before, but now I feel like this latest episode has forever tainted my hometown.

It's the Economy, Stupid

Has the decline in the job market and the economy (seriously, $3.30 a gallon for gas???) made everyone a sourpuss? What happened to being happy for happiness' sake? Of course, this is quite ironic coming from a grumpbump like me. Sometimes I fancy myself an actress and in this way I find it quite easy to pretend to be sweet and happy-go-lucky. Ah, but when you get to know me, I become quite the grouch.

It's just an overall sense that I get when I'm out and about that people seem so self-involved. I blame the economy - as everyone pulls inward to protect themselves. I have so many friends that lost their jobs due to the real estate market slowdown. Businesses we were dealing with a year ago have shut their doors. I've never been caught in such a marketplace before; I've always felt protected from ups and downs of the economy. Not now. Every week at work, I hear a familiar tune about how lucky I am to have a paycheck. Really, it feels like an excuse to make me work even harder. My work ethic is just fine; I don't need some employer twisting head into making me think I'm not working hard enough. My allegiance lies with me first; and I'm not foolish enough to think that my employer has my best interests in mind when making decisions.

The recession talk in the media scares me; I do not feel prepared to face a financial crisis. I'd rather the marketplace correct itself sooner rather than later as I have been feeling the pinch since last year. Perhaps because I work in the mortgage industry, and the lending crisis has been happening for more than a year. It's only recently been getting so much bad press due to the presidential elections. I will do my part for the economy by spending my entire economic stimulus check when it comes in May. I'm hoping Best Buy will have some good deals during this time as I have my eye on a new tv. And I will be very personable to the Best Buy associate lucky enough to deal with me.

It's All About You

I am working 50 to 60 hours per week on a constant basis. I am not proud of this.

I'm always planning something. What I do could be classified as scheming....I always have grandiose plans and ideas floating around; random thoughts on a CVS receipt, my to-do list running through my mind, or my hurried writing in my journal. It's the planning that keeps me looking forward to each day. I just don't feel satisfied until I can count some of these ideas as items accomplished.

Something on my horizon is another trip to D.C. I have not decided if I want to stretch my budget for this, as I don't think it would be too relaxing. My next vacation needs to be relaxing. I have fond memories of the Gulf Coast; my family would vacation there when I was young. Actually I have fantasized about moving to St. Pete/Clearwater; I can imagine driving to work and smelling the ocean. It would put me in such a good mood in the morning (as I am currently a terrible grumpbump when I wake up).

Even with all of my ridiculous worrying and negative thinking, I still have people in my life who love me. How crazy is that?