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Showing posts from 2006

Seven Stages of Turning 36

Stage 1 - Shock and Disbelief

I was telling a story to the boyfriend, and I mentioned "when I was 16" and then I realize that I was 16 TWENTY YEARS AGO. Huh??? How the heck is that possible? I start running all the scenarios through my head.....perhaps I'm mistaken, after all it's only 2006 and I was born in......1970. And I shake my head wondering if I was asleep this whole time because I could swear my high school graduation was just a few years ago. I guess I should say "a few decades ago".

2. Stage 2 - Denial

It's not possible that I'm 36. I'm not a divorced, childless woman of 36. No. I think there is a typo on my birth certificate. I was actually born in 1980, so I'm just on the crux of 30. I don't look 36! And everyone knows that appearances are everything.

3. Stage 3 - Bargaining

Let's just say I'm in my 30's, let's do away with specific numerical references to the length of time we have been alive. If …

Target vs. Walmart

Everyone knows that Target beats Walmart as the place to shop. Here's proof:

1. Target has Starbucks mini-shoppes (spelling it this way means you are sophisticated). And Walmart? I think they have some Blimpie/7-11/McDonalds concoction with scary-looking employees.

2. You would not be ashamed to admit that the shirt or pants you are wearing came from Target. But I don't care how big your boobs look in that shirt or how skinny you look in those pants, you'd never admit they came from Walmart (maybe you'd whisper it but you'd be prepared for the backlash).

3. Target's bathroom's are relatively clean. However, I'd rather take a dump on the side of the road than go into a Walmart bathroom. I swear I've been in Walmart bathrooms where every single stall has some major explosion of human waste that would make Gil Grissom cringe. And if you don't know who Gil Grissom is, then shame on you.

4. Target's television ads are cute and chic; I'm partial t…

What Is Missing From My Life

1. DVR. We have every single Brighthouse service: digital cable, broadband, digital phone, digital boxes, splitters, amplifiers, on-demand, but not DVR, which every other household in America has access to. Not us, we prefer to throw away our hard earned money every month on shitty reception and 200 million channels showing the same crappy movies over and over. How much does $200 a month buy you? Anacondas 2 and Monster-in-Law in pixelated freeze frame and Brighthouse subcontractors at the house every weekend. Enough already!!

2. Starbucks. I plan my weekends around Starbucks. Starbucks makes me so happy, even when I get the new Starbucks employee behind the counter who can't manage to yell to the Barista "Grande White Chocolate Mocha Light" without tripping over her own words. That's right, Light goes at the end of the shout-out. I'm addicted but not ashamed. I can't wait for Starbucks delivery (in my dreams!!!)

3. A Maid. The boyfriend is com…

Melt My Heart

I spent the whole weekend with my boyfriend for the first time ever, and I remarked to him that he must be so sick of me.

Later that evening, while we were talking on the phone, he brought up my comment. He told me that he absolutely did not feel that way at all, that I was the best part of his life, and I made him very happy.

I was speechless. Partly because I was flattered by his expression of love, but more importantly because I believed him. He's not setting up or keeping me hanging on until something better comes around.

I am the something better, as he is for me.

I believe him. I can go the whole work week not seeing him because I trust him. I don't worry about where he is or who he is with because I know he is a loyal, faithful man.

I lived six miserable years always questioning and wondering about what my ex-boyfriend was doing, and who he was doing it with. This became a normal, and quite stressful, part of my life.
The reason this relationship feels so much easie…

Annoying Is Too Strong A Word

As much as I want to believe that I am a completely lovable person, the harsh reality (learned that term from the ex) is that I am generally, on the whole, pretty damn annoying. As proof I offer up:

1. I skipped out on my best friend's birthday dinner. Okay, well that's just bad form, not really defendable, or funny. Bonus Points: Everyone who did go got food poisoning.

2. I talk way too much about trivial things and I absolutely dramatize everything. Case in point: I thought the boyfriend and I were having "relationship" problems so I called him a total of seven times in one night. During our last conversation of the night, Steve said to me, "Sweetie, I've got a plate full of food in front of me and the football game is on. Do we really have to talk about this right now?" Mitigating Factor: The Dolphins lost that night.

3. I'm guilty of the "got a man, no time for the friends". I'm making it up to them this weekend, I swear…

Things So Far

So I took a trip with my boyfriend (seriously I'm almost 40 years old, and that term seems sooooo inappropriate but at the same time, I have to smile when I type it) to visit his father yesterday. His dad lives in The Villages, which is this Stepford-meets-The-Twilight-Zone retirement community in Leesburg. There are no children anywhere....just a swelling of retirees and golf carts. Everything has its place, with its own theme and matching color coordinated decor, landscaping, and architecture. Disney - children + doctors, dentists, and ambulances on every corner = The Villages.

I'm not being critical because I had a nice time later that night. One of the two Town Squares has live music on Saturday nights, and they played 40's and 50's old school big band and crooner music (of course, every 45 minutes they broke out with the Electric Slide and Macarena - I learned that line dancing is VERY popular in The Villages). Being outside on a Saturday night with the cool…

Don't Question My Authority

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Oh my goodness, I can be such a bitch sometimes. Now, I know, looking at my sweet, innocent face, you can't imagine me being difficult. Oh, you just have to ask my latest dude, whose name is Steve, about how not all things are as they seem.

Steve hears from me during the work day, I'm all about sweetness and love. Sample text messages: "I can't stop thinking about you"; "I hope that you are safe"; "Everything will be better when I get to see you tonight". BARF!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I mean every single word of what I say when I say it, but don't expect it to carry through to the rest of the day. By the evening, I am in, let's say, a different frame of mind. This is where boyfriend dude is literally ambushed by a new Debbie.

Now that boyfriend Steve is sitting in front of me, small little things begin to annoy me. For example, why does he not put the bread on his bread plate??? He put it on his napkin, fer chrissakes!!!. What is …

The Cycle of a Relationship

As illustrated by me, the old lady of the house....

1) The Hookup - Those dotcoms, particularly Match and Eharmony can really open up your dating field, when you are done with the roommate's friend (who was never really that into you while you are passed out on the garage floor) or the ex-boyfriend (because you thought he still loved you but he's with someone else). First dates are fun because it's usually just coffee or ice cream, so passive and non-threatening, and you can be done within an hour.

2) The Follow-Up Dates - more pressure!!! You have to regularly dress up, shave your legs, wear makeup. Jeez! This is where the real work begins but the fun also starts here. How nice is it to walk around holding hands and "belonging" together. However, I long for the days when we reach the Comfort Zone, so I can take a break on doing my hair *every* *single* day.

3) Comfort Zone - Let's stay in and watch movies. Totally at ease and things come down fro…

Things I Won't Apologize for

1. Drama - As the one thing I got from my mother, it's a trait that some find annoying - recounting stories with overacting, hand gestures, pregnant pauses or facing a situation with exaggerated facial expressions and my loud voice. Sometimes I feel like my life has encouraged or attracted drama, but it comes pretty natural to me. My friend, Michele, calls me DM, not for my initials but for "Drama Mama".

2. My car - I've never been a huge fan of cars, they are transportation, a means to an end, that's all. But for a while, I had a strong desire to own a station wagon. You know, the Brady Bunch 70's-era station wagon. So when I bought a new car, I got the closest thing to it, but kind of cute and sporty - the Toyota Matrix. Oh, yeah, it's Japanese, too. No apologizing for that either.

3. My rules - I don't call boys; I don't care how childish it is. These rules are carefully crafted and drawn up by serious and insightful discussion b…

Proof I'm on on the right track

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While at Target on Friday with my good friend, Heather, my eye focused on the selection of different gift cards.

I was amazed to see this one; of course I had to get it:


Tangible proof that the dude theory is persuasive and possibly an indication it should be expanded.

I will never forgive him

One relationship, over for more than one year, still takes up so much of my time. There are nights that I wake up from my sleep, and memories come flooding back to me from my past life. I am betrayed by my own mind, and I can't make things better by transferring the blame to someone else. The cycle continues as I get so angry at myself - I compound the lack of sleep with bitterness and anger turned inward.

The poisonous thoughts remain inside me and threaten my current relationship. So far, I've been good at suppressing them. However, last night, I was overwhelmed by feelings of loss and sadness. So much so that tears came to my eyes. How the hell am I to explain my sudden tears to the new man in my life? How is he to understand my conflict, which is completely self-induced? All of the evidence pointing to the fact that my decision a year ago was completely right and clearly the best thing I've ever done for myself, somehow still haunts my subconscious mind. How can I have…

Welcome!

This is my first post of my new blog space. I was posting to my very own myspace page, but I feel like I've outgrown it. The myspace blog is not as pretty, and although I could probably find lots of utilities to "pimp" it, that's entirely too much trouble for my miscellaneous musings. So now my friends (which, according to myspace, is 10) can find me here.