Sunday, June 8, 2008

Still Crazy After All These Years

During one six-year period in my life, I was addicted to a man. Our up and down relationship ended so many times, with me leaving but always coming back. The last time I obviously left for good, but not before I did the craziest things due to heartache and jealously and regret. I've cooled down since then, and I've always reassured myself that the craziness I suffered from was just a blip on the radar of my entire life. I think now that I was dead wrong.

I quit my job. Yep, I quit. In the middle of the worst economy in my lifetime, I quit. I don't feel bad about it. I am very nervous but I am avoiding that right now. I'm planning to take a month break and start to work again, this time with the right attitude. I know now, more than any other time in my life, that I have the ability to do most any office job. In the past, I was always so unsure about my abilities, but the one thing I learned in this mess of a career is that I always blow things out of proportion.

Leading us to this, that crazy period in my life was not just a one-time thing. It's a permanent affliction. I am freefalling through life, not really sure about anything, but outwardly appearing like everything is just fine. It's a very good thing that I never had children; I am classically unstable but I can hide it just fine, thank you very much. I have the appearance of a life. Perhaps I have to manufacture drama in my life in order to have any feelings at all.

I'll be able to blog more, although my current plan is work out the rest of June. We'll have to see what July brings.

I finished my scarf. I'm not going to have much use for it for another 7 months. I think I'm going to work on a hat now. I just want my knitting to look polished. And it doesn't.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

People should read this.

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