Saturday, June 28, 2008

No Compromise

My co-workers are still telling me that they can't believe I'm leaving. I hear from most folks that I will be back, that this work is in my blood. While I agree that the salary is very nice, I am 100% willing to walk away from it in order to find a better quality life. This week alone I've worked 12 to 14 hours EVERY DAY. There is no respite from this pattern. My trip from the house to the office is 30 to 40 minutes; I use this time to fantasize about the future and ponder on my wasted life. I'm not going to say that I'm not worried or scared, but I am also excited and willing to risk things in order to find a balance. I don't have a family or children; what is the reason I need to throw my whole life away for a job?

The community I live in switched cable companies. I basically ignored all the hubbub since basic cable and internet is provided as a part of my rent. However, I lost Internet connectivity for 2 days because my modem was not registered as a part of the network. Of course, working 12 hours a day means I have no time during the work week to focus on anything during normal hours. Today I called Brighthouse and managed to have the problem fixed within 2 hours.

The reason I mention this is because recently I've become more aware that I have to fix things. Nothing comes simply anymore. I have to solve problems, and I resent that. It's part of what makes me so angry about everything. I've never had anyone take care of me. I've always assumed the role of problem solver and person in charge. I am jealous of those people who get taken care of and can focus on themselves, while I have to concentrate on so many other things and I neglect myself in order to get everything done.

This is a part of my reasoning behind me leaving my job. I want a chance to do something for me.

I missed knitting this week. I am amassing a collection of washcloths. I'm trying to move onto something more substantial. I'm considering a sweater; my only concern being the cost of the yarn.

July is going to be a good month. I'm predicting it now. It's the start of new things for me. I hope.

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