Finding My Treasure

Now that my shawl is complete (yarn purchased during the Orange Blossom Yarn Crawl in March), it is just hanging out in my foyer until I decide if I should gift it to someone or if I'm keeping it for myself.  I think I want to make another one of these shawls (pattern is called Nostalgia Shawl on Ravelry).  While it was an easy pattern, the lacy part required some attention and I think ripped back those sections quite a few times before I actually got it right.   

I started working on a crocheted poncho.  Ugh!  I know you are thinking, "Poncho? Not a good look".  I plan to change your mind!  The colors are very nice and the crochet is very....holey?  Is that even a word?  I should have the first panel done very soon and will post a picture.  

Lately, my knitting/crochet projects are picking me, instead vice versa.  They appear on my radar, and I am lucky enough to find or have the perfect yarn for it.  Of course, nothing I make is perfect but I'm good at ripping back, starting over or just moving forward with the pattern, depending on how the pattern will best be served.  

A bit of this has spilled over into my life.  I never had an confidence in my work, so I worked extra hard to prove...what?  I'm not sure.  I only succeeded in making myself sick with worry and stress.   I decided that it was finally time for me to leave my job, which I hated anyway,   I started doing contract work and, for the first several weeks, I was loving life.  The change of scenery, the new workload, it was all working out for me.  

And then, suddenly, it was not working.  And I realized that it was never the work I hated, it was the atmosphere of the job.  But I was good at what I did simply because I am good at what I know.  Once I realized that, which I could have never done while still at my original job, I was ready to go back.   Try explaining that to your ex-employer.  "I had to break up with you in order to see how much I needed you."  It's a bit like dating.  Only I treasure someone wanting me for my mind so much more than for my body (as if that would ever happen....).  

I have to run to finish the first panel of my poncho - meeting a friend for coffee and knitting tomorrow and I want to be able to show off some of my project.  


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