So I took a trip with my boyfriend (seriously I'm almost 40 years old, and that term seems sooooo inappropriate but at the same time, I have to smile when I type it) to visit his father yesterday. His dad lives in The Villages, which is this Stepford-meets-The-Twilight-Zone retirement community in Leesburg. There are no children anywhere....just a swelling of retirees and golf carts. Everything has its place, with its own theme and matching color coordinated decor, landscaping, and architecture. Disney - children + doctors, dentists, and ambulances on every corner = The Villages.
I'm not being critical because I had a nice time later that night. One of the two Town Squares has live music on Saturday nights, and they played 40's and 50's old school big band and crooner music (of course, every 45 minutes they broke out with the Electric Slide and Macarena - I learned that line dancing is VERY popular in The Villages). Being outside on a Saturday night with the cool music, enjoying a beer with my sweetie, taking in a movie made for a very enjoyable night.
In front of every house is a little sign, annoucing the names of the occupants, and many times, their hometown. As we took our tour, I passed thousands of homes, and I tried to read the names of each little sign. I paused to think about who that couple is, how long they were married, how many children and grandchildren they have, was life with their spouse everything they always dreamed it would be? I grew a bit envious; my life has restarted so many times, due to my poor choices, and I've lost the chance to enjoy these simple things. I will never enjoy the 50th wedding anniversary, like my paternal and maternal grandparents, nor will I be a housewife and stay-at-home mom.
What makes this different for me now is that this envy is not all-consuming; I'm not wallowing in what I've missed. Instead, I see that things change and evolve, and I know that I have options. Maybe not the ones I expect, but good things have happened to me and continue to happen for me.
Now if I could only learn to control the drama in my life.........