One relationship, over for more than one year, still takes up so much of my time. There are nights that I wake up from my sleep, and memories come flooding back to me from my past life. I am betrayed by my own mind, and I can't make things better by transferring the blame to someone else. The cycle continues as I get so angry at myself - I compound the lack of sleep with bitterness and anger turned inward.
The poisonous thoughts remain inside me and threaten my current relationship. So far, I've been good at suppressing them. However, last night, I was overwhelmed by feelings of loss and sadness. So much so that tears came to my eyes. How the hell am I to explain my sudden tears to the new man in my life? How is he to understand my conflict, which is completely self-induced? All of the evidence pointing to the fact that my decision a year ago was completely right and clearly the best thing I've ever done for myself, somehow still haunts my subconscious mind. How can I have any faith in anything when I am a slave to my own fucked-up head?