Crying Because I Want To

I started an easy project - a scarf using the the Double Bump Scarf pattern.  I've made several facecloths from this pattern, meaning to give them as a gift but they still sit on my kitchen table.  I took a knitting class several months ago and ended up with a skein of this light blue yarn.  I figured I could do a scarf and maybe have enough left over for a matching hat.  We'll see.  In the meantime, here's the little bit of progress on the scarf.

The beginning of a scarf

My afghan is  getting heavier on the needles and now drapes over my legs while I'm on the couch, knitting. I'm not sure how much more I'm going to knit but the pattern it's based on recommends at least 57 inches of the pattern, which does not include a two-inch bottom and top border.  I imagine that I will keep going until I use up all the yarn I bought for this project.  Mr. Grumpbump hates it when I have random left over yarn.

Retro Afghan

I thought about carrying around a little notebook with me so I could jot down ideas for this blog.  I think that most of my entries tend to be very one-sided and uninteresting.  In order to capture these brilliant ideas as soon as they pop into my head, I now carry around a small green notebook.  And it remains empty.  All of my ideas come to me as I drive.  I believe it would be a bad idea to suddenly whip out my green notebook at that time.  Notice I did not say they were good ideas.

For example, today I was thinking about how much hatred I have in my heart.  Or maybe I just feel like life is unfair and it makes me angry.  Now, as I start to type what I was thinking, I realize that the words on the page only make me sound bitter and pathetic.  It is a habit of mine to look at houses as I drive by and imagine how the people living inside can afford such luxury.   What is it that they are doing that I am not?  I then see that my hatred is just jealousy and it makes me feel uglier than all my excess weight ever does.  It's just a game I play with myself.

I then skipped around until I made a connection to explain my jealousy.  I was raised Catholic and attended parochial school until the 9th grade.  This means I went to mass every Friday and Sunday for at least 8 years, from age 5 to 14.  On top of that, every year we had a religious education class.  All the teachings were drilled into me over and over until it was no longer a choice but a part of me.  I believed with all my heart that if I lived my life as a good Christian that I would be rewarded by a good life.  So, I was basically a good person, with the exception of petty childish things, I earned good grades in school, I tried my best to be respectful of all adults, I did what I was told.  And then I waited.  Waited for this good life to come to me.  By the time I realized that the good life was not going to come to me, that I had to pursue it, I ended up with a man who took complete advantage of me.  Convincing me that being with him was the good life, when it was the exact opposite of good.  It was completely wrong.  I gave up that lifestyle and just tried to live a decent life.  Yet, I am still behind and the morally corrupt, rotten people are miles ahead of me.  I have no explanation for this imbalance and its very existence pisses me off.  That's the convoluted reason I envy those who have so much more than me.

I have to say that there are people I love who are experiencing things so much worse than me not having a house, or another kitten, or a baby or even a respectable career and money.  I specifically am not including their pain in this because it's not my place to discuss their private matters.  However, I am in no way equating the unfairness I feel with what they are going through and I would never discuss this with them for that same reason.  I would gladly accept more pain and suffering, with the rule of keeping my pity party strictly to myself, to alleviate all their problems from their life.

I Can't Help Myself

Mr. Grumpbump and I looked at another house today.  While I liked it, and the price was certainly right, our chances of actually getting it are slim.  There are already three other offers on the table for the house.  The house does not have a pool, but it does have a big backyard and an enclosed Florida room.  We are going to add our offer to the mix.

After we did our walk-through for the house, we drove by the home we still have under short sale contract.  The pool is a lovely shade of Mountain Dew-green and there are tadpoles now living in it.  This house is still the one we want but as the days tick away, we are less and less assured that it will ever be sold.  I wrote a letter to the owners of the house and appealed to them on a personal level.  I asked them to allow us to buy their house and take care of it properly.  I know they don't make the final decision (their bank does) but I have been told that they are not submitting the paperwork necessary to qualify for the short sale.  I can't stand the thought of someone else getting this house or having it just sit empty and deteriorating while the bank forecloses on it.

It's storming outside right now and Delilah is begging to go out.  In fact, she's yelling at me, but I will not give in.  So, she started taken to stalking Miss Macy.  I think she's going stir-crazy being inside, so I tried to work out some of her energy by playing with her.

Miss Macy is such a laid back cat and sometimes that means she does not get the attention she deserves.  Instead, Delilah gets it for being a such a bitchy cat.  While I was engaging Miss Delilah, Macy was sitting on the couch, watching us.  I did play with Macy but she was not really interested.  Macy is more interested in observing and eating.  

Macy watching the action

Lost

I've been avoiding spending any money or making any big changes because I was sure that at any moment we would hear about our house.  Now, it seems inevitable that we will not get this house.  So, all of this waiting means we've gone four months without any real fun.  Now we have to plan to move to another apartment. I can't get another cat, even if I wanted one, because I'm back to being controlled by what my landlord would allow, instead of being a homeowner and making my own decisions.  My anger over this situation is directed at the people who contracted to sell me their house, only to break the terms by removing items when they moved out (the ceiling fans, window treatments and bathroom mirrors) and by refusing to make any progress with their short sale (as far as I know they haven't even submitted the correct paperwork).  Also, my realtor has been downright ineffectual about this.  I don't understand why I can't get a straight answer about the status of the short sale and why does she take the listing agent's vague answers as fact?  Seriously.  I don't get anyway with that wishy-washy stuff at work, and why should she?    Mr. Grumpbump and I would be so appreciative to get this house and we would take good care of it, instead of it just sitting empty and abandoned.  

Besides Mr. Grumpbump and the cats, the only thing making me happy and/or keeping me relaxed is my knitting.  I'm still working on the ripple afghan and I'm not sure if I will keep it when it is completed or if I will gift it.  I think the colors are too odd for me to gift it (a friend called it "retro" which I believe is code for "ugly"). I think I will take a break from it once it's done and perhaps start a pair of socks.  Or maybe I can have two projects at once, although I do find this to be a problem when knitting socks because they require me to be more organized.  This ripple pattern is so easy; I've already memorized it and I don't keep track of anything other than counting rows on the actual project.

I love this pattern

Mr. Grumpbump has to apply with a new company because this new company won the contract for the place he works.  We will know by July if they will keep him on as an employee.  Just another thing in our lives that we have to worry about.  We are feeling a bit beat down lately.  Things are tense because of our living situation, the uncertainty of Mr. G's job, and our inability to get on the same schedule.  Mr. G. and I never see each in a meaningful way.  He's either sleeping or I'm at work.  We really need an escape to be together, even for just a few days, to reconnect and feel better about our life.

I Wish I Could Knit For A Living

My sweet cat, Macy, is sleeping on the floor in front of me, on her back with her legs in the air.   Macy's been with us for almost a year now, and she has started exhibiting a need to be our line of sight.  Macy always relaxes or sleeps directly in front of the couch and tv if we are in the room with us.  For regular longer sleeping or napping, she's still much more comfortable and safe in her cat condo.  In fact, as I type this, she just climbed on the couch next to me and made herself comfortable on my knitting.

The flash woke her up

I am in the middle of a big project at work and it has completely screwed up my routine.  I've been going into work earlier and leaving late.  I feel very stressed all the time. I basically get a few hours each night to try to relax.  The only thing that helps is knitting.  And I started an afghan project a few weeks ago but I messed up the pattern two separate times and had to frog the entire project both times.  Knitting was not helping me out at all.

However, on the third try, the pattern suddenly clicked with me and I couldn't put the pattern down.  This is exactly what I needed to start taking my mind off the mounds of work ahead of me.  I hate the colors I've picked for this afghan (they don't work together as well as I thought they did) but I love the pattern so much that I don't care that it is ugly.  I'm already planning my next afghan.

Ripple Stitch Afghan in progress

Reverse Knitting

I really want to knit an afghan I found on Bernat's website.  I can't link it directly because you have to be a member to view it, but it's called Ripple Stitch Afghan.  While I bought yarn to start the project, it is clear to me now that it will not be enough.  And, while I will not have enough yarn of the same dye lot, this is not enough to discourage me from this project.

Color palette (the orange is the contract color for border use)

The pattern seems simple enough.  I've learned my lesson from other projects that I will read through the entire project and make sure I understand the stitches.  This easy pattern passed the test.  My contrast color (orange) started the project as the border, and then I had to increase the number of stitches by 30.  At this point, I started with my first color (pink) in the ripple pattern.  The pattern involves increasing and decreasing in the row, but I thought I knew what I was doing.  Wrong.  I managed eight rows of the pattern before I realized I was leaving out several stitches at the end of the rows.  I frogged the entire thing back to the beginning (i.e., all stitches off the needle) and started over with my border color.

My second attempt was started yesterday and I made quick work of the border.  I was confident going into the first row of the pattern.   Everything is looking good unless I get to what is supposed to be the last seven stitches.  Only problem is that I only have six stitches remaining to work.  Argh.

I was tempted to rip out the whole thing again, but I'm trying to keep my frustration in check and I'm reversing (unknitting) the last row.  This is very slow because I have to unwork 207 stitches, some of which are stitches knitted together and slipped.  I'm wondering if I will ever get the project off the ground.  I'm hoping that once I establish the correct pattern repeat, I will be able to pick up mistakes long before I get to the end.  Otherwise, I may start looking for a new pattern to use up this yarn.

I've neglected this blog and, believe me, it's not the only thing in my life getting the neglect edit at this point in my life.

We are halfway through May and we have no idea what is happening with our short sale home purchase.  Mr. Grumpbump and I want to own this home and we are willing to wait for it.  If we just had an idea of where the Sellers were in their short sale process.  I would never recommend buying a short sale to anyone, especially if the house is to be your primary residence.  We've heard horror stories about short sales taking seven months to a year to close.  We love this house but are really afraid of waiting that long.  I'm not sure we can remain sane that long.

I've asked Mr. Grumpbump if I can have a kitten.  He was not very open to the idea but mumbled something about getting our house first.  He's right, of course, and I have not completely considered how adding a kitten  to our household would affect Miss Macy or Delilah Cat.  I want to believe that their maternal instincts would kick in, but I've been known to be wrong before.

Delilah is ALWAYS cleaning.

We believe Macy's background to be part cat, part owl.

Short Sale Woes

Ugh.  That sums up how I feel about myself lately.  

Now that April is here, the anxiety level surrounding our house purchase has increased significantly.  This anxiety feels exactly the same as when I was in grade school and there was a big trip planned (to Sea World or the now-long-defunct Circus World) and for some reason, I was not going on the trip.  All my friends were going.  In fact, all of my classmates were going.  But I could not go.  I was staying home.  The feeling was a combination of misery, jealously, curiosity, and sadness.  I felt like I was missing the biggest event ever.

That's how it feels, waiting for a short sale to be approved.  All my other plans are on hold, pending the outcome of this.  Add to this, the fact that there is another person in this equation, feeling similar feelings.  Mr. Grumpbump is normally very laid-back in comparison to me.  But, his temper has been showing lately.

We constantly discuss that short sales typically take an average of four to six months to close.  We know this. It's the whole heart vs. head debate.   And our hearts are telling us we need to close soon in order to keep our sanity.

Mr. Grumpbump wants me to go running with him today.  I'm going to try for two miles (running and walking).  Time to go charge my first generation Ipod Shuffle.

Why Can't I Just Leave It All Behind?

We let Miss Macy out of the house this evening.  I put her collar on her and let her come outside.  Delilah was instantly on alert and vocally unhappy that Miss Macy was in her territory.  Mr. Grumpbump and I were not alarmed by this because that is the nature of the cats' relationship.  We were just going to let Macy roam around the house while we were watching her.  Of course, our great plan went up in smoke when a stray dog showed up.  He was a very friendly pup but Delilah the Sentinel was freaking out and bopped him on the nose.   I was so sure in the ruckus that Macy would just bolt.  Lucky for us, Macy ran to her safe zone, which was right back into our apartment.  The puppy, whose name was Timmy, just wanted to play with Delilah.  She was having none of that and tried to slice him several times.  His owner was so distressed by Delilah's hissing when she showed up.  Timmy was a sweet dog but dumb.

I finished my second sock.  So I have the first new socks of 2011.  They are too big, typical of my knitting style.  I am trying to get Mr. Grumpbump to wear them, hoping that they will not be too big for him.  I don't like the ribbing all the way done the leg.

I started a new pair of socks but they are already looking too big!

I am so frustrated by how things are going with the house.  I just hate our apartment so much.  I wish we could just leave her and start over with all brand new things.  I'm at the point where I want to get a new sofa/loveseat or sectional.   Starting over with everything new sounds so wonderful to me right now.  The thought of having to move our cheap, mismatched furniture makes me sick.

My grandmother is going on a week post-surgery.  I'm so glad that she made it through without any significant issues.  She is 85 years old so there will be a longer recovery but I am happy that she has made it through this far.

All I Have To Say=Knitting and Cats

My blanket is finished!  I don't really know the measurements but it's much bigger than a lap.  I added a crochet border (my first ever!) to clean up the edges.  The yarn was nothing special and is very soft but a bit heavy.  I used larger needles (size 10) so the blanket has a lightweight quality to it because the stitches are larger.  The colors are masculine because I knitted it for Mr. Grumpbump.  However, my grandmother is in the hospital having surgery and I've decided to give it to her.  She's not picky about colors.

Mr. Grumpbump is the lump in the blanket

Full Size

Crochet Border Close Up

I'm in love with my Wii game, Just Dance 2.  I wish they had more downloads for it.  I love pop music, but I can't listen to it in the car.  In the car, I like to listen to talk radio; I think it has something to do with conversation.  But when I'm working late or leaving work for the day, I pull out my earphones and my phone is my music player.  Pop music puts me in such a good mood and instantly erases the stress of the day.  Funny, it only works after work - before work just makes me depressed because I'm stuck inside all day.

Mr. Grumpbump says I take too many pictures of my cats.  He's right.

Delilah Bug

Miss Mace

Nothing new on our house purchase.  At this point, we would just like to be in the house by June.  How great would it be to have a pool during the hottest part of the year?  So excited.....

Many Hours In My Day

I bought a new cat toy at CVS of all places.  I know this is not a very exciting opening line, but keep reading.  I went to PetSmart to buy dry cat food and litter.  I always sneak a peek at the cat toys section but I don't give in to temptation very often.  I know my cats are older and, quite frankly, not really interested in most of the stuff they sell.  The only exception is the Cat Teaser, which we use infrequently when Delilah (mostly) or Macy express interest in it. 

I recently saw a show on Animal Planet, and its name escapes me, but there was a segment about a woman who owned four cats and she made her own toys to stimulate her cats.  She took plastic bottles and poked holes in the sides and then put cat treats in the bottles.  Her cats would play with the bottles in attempt to get the treats out.  She also had this wooden box with holes in and it served the same purpose.

PetSmart does not have this wooden box but I look every time I visit.  It's the only thing I would consider buying.  So I left PetSmart with just my food and litter in hand.  But I had to stop at CVS to pick up human supplies.  I can't help walking around CVS, even after I've got everything I needed.  And in their pet section was the wooden box!  It comes with toys inside.  Of course, I bought it.  

I made several other stops before getting home and I was starving when I finally pulled up.  So I unloaded everything but didn't make any moves to introduce Macy and Delilah to the new toy.  Of course, Delilah threw up after I got home (so I had to clean it up - not Mr. Grumpbump, who was sleeping after working 12 hours last night).  Then I made lunch.  I finally got around to putting the toy out for Miss Macy's benefit (Delilah was sleeping with her favorite human, Mr. Grumpbump).  Miss Macy comes running when I shake the cat treat bag, and I placed a few treats where she could get to them.  The rest I put inside the box and watched the smartest cat in the world dig around to get her favorite treats.

It took no time for her to figure out the box

Macy spies her treat

We have a completely signed contract for the (pool) house.  Now we settle in for the wait for the mortgage holder to give their blessing.  Mr. Grumpbump is going over to the new house tomorrow morning after he gets off work in order to measure the areas in the kitchen for the appliances.  We looked at refrigerators and ranges on Saturday at a scratch and dent store.  We are considering a blend of stainless steel and black appliances.  Mr. Grumpbump is going to be responsible for the refrigerator and range and I'm going to pay for the washer and dryer.   Mr. Grumpbump has been working overtime hours whenever possible so he can save up enough to buy the refrigerator of his dreams (stainless steel, french doors, and icemaker in front).

My lap blanket has morphed into a real blanket.  I'm working on my last two skeins of yarn and I have decided that I will use the blue color to crochet the edging.  For some odd reason, I run out of the black yarn much faster than the blue.  The yarn is the cheap red yarn (soft) brand, which I bought for a grand total of $8.00 (thanks to Michael's 20 percent off coupon and my $5 gift card from christmas).  

It's almost done!

Sunday is winding down but I've been up and about since 7:00 a.m. so this day has felt luxuriously long.  I'm going to knit a bit more today and then finish the laundry and start to worry about work in the morning.  I should have gone into work this weekend but, as usual, talked myself out of that idea on Saturday.  Today should have been a crappy day because I was at Starbucks drive-through and they gave me the wrong drink at the pass.  I didn't figure it out until I got home and took a sip.  I tried to salvage it but I ended up pouring it down the sink.  I sent an email through their website (which I frequently do when I get poor service at stores) and hope to hear from them soon.  I really only want a refund of the cost of the drink.  Mr. Grumpbump just laughs at me when I tell him I wrote them a letter because he knows it means I went on the website and bitched.  He knows me so well.

I leave you with a picture of Delilah Bug wrapped in blanket while I hold her like a baby.  Not her favorite past time, but she is so damn cute I can't help myself.

Delilah Baby

Left vs. Right

I learned how to knit continental, thanks to another class hosted by Sip and Knit.  I asked Mr. Grumpbump tonight if he noticed I was knitting differently.  He was, of course, very confused because he does not make a practice of analyzing my knitting style.  So, I showed him that I could knit with (a) the working yarn in my right hand (English) and (b) the working yarn in my left hand (Continental).  Surprisingly, he was underwhelmed by my new skills.

I'm still working on the striped lap blanket; I've knitted about two-thirds of it.  The whole thing is the knit stitch, so it's the perfect project to practice my continental knitting.  I've not touched any other project, although the only other things on needles is a second sock (why are they soooo hard to finish?) and a dishcloth.  I've asked a friend at work to give me a good beginner crochet project for me, which I hope is not a dishcloth.

Mr. Grumpbump and I have made an offer on yet another house and it's a short sale.  So, we are in for three to six months of waiting for the seller's lender to approve the contract.  We are very hopeful for this house because it is in really good condition, with tile floors and travertine counter tops in the kitchen and bathroom.  Oh, yes, it also has a pool!

Expanding My Fiber Horizons

Yesterday I attended a "Learn to Crochet" class at a local yarn store, Sip & Knit.   The class was only $30 and I received two plus hours of instruction (there were only two students in the class, including me, so I basically received one-on-one instruction).  I was totally confused for the first hour and thirty minutes; I felt like I was struggling to get my mind around it and that I was just mimicking what the instructor was showing me.  I didn't know the how or why behind it.

I fumbled around and managed to create a simple crochet border on a knitted swatch.  It was not impressive but I had fun in the class and signed up for another one on the spot (Learn to Knit Continental).  I was intrigued and after I got home, I pulled up as many beginner crochet videos as I could and started practicing stitches.  I was a bit bored with it until I found granny squares.

I ran through five or six versions of the granny square until I finally understood the stitches.  This was my first completely successful attempt. (I'm using the crappiest of crappy acrylic yarn because I'm just practicing and why waste decent yarn?)

Granny Square

I added a different color as a border to practice what I learned in class.

Granny Square with border

It's not much.  But I am very excited about this.  I have to finish my knit blanket and maybe the second sock on my needles.  I want to tackle a crochet project.  I'll do some researching (i.e., reading blogs and crochet forums online).  Also, there is a lady at work who is an accomplished crocheter and I will ask her for a recommendation.

I'm nervous about our possible move.  Nervous because we will have to acclimate Miss Macy to another new place.  It's been six months since she's been with us and she's still a 'fraidy cat.  I want her to feel secure and I'm not sure how we will do that with the new place.

Look how little she looks!  Miss Macy all curled up.