Thursday, April 1, 2010

Knitting Countdown

I started working on the baby blanket on Sunday. I allocated at least two hours every night for it; knowing that I had to have it done by Saturday. I'm behind schedule but I don't have to work tomorrow and I plan to have most of it done by tomorrow. The baby shower is not until 2:00 p.m. on Saturday, so if I need it, I can use Saturday morning to finish it.

It's a bit of a simple blanket and it's definitely for a Florida summer baby because the yarn is thin. I'm using Bernat Softee Baby in Baby Pink Marl. The yarn is very soft and it's a really cute pink color.

Additionally, I will pick up something else for the mother-to-be as a secondary gift. She's registered at Target and Babies 'R Us so it should be easy for me to find something to go along with the blanket. If I can't finish in time, then at least I have a backup gift. I'm looking forward to this shower on Saturday even though I will not know anyone else there. I know the mom-to-be because I worked with her last year, and this baby is truly a miracle and a gift. She's only one year younger than me and this is her first baby, but I don't say that with any jealousy or envy. I know I made poor choices and that's the reason I'll never have kids. I'm not spoiling anyone else's joy because I wasted my child-bearing years with a jerk.

Speaking of jerks, the ex-boyfriend texted me a few days ago, feeling me out about the possibility of meeting up. I said no and told him I was with someone else. Even through the limitation of texting, he was pretty upset with this information and started to call me a liar, a whore, etc. I think he assumed I would remain single and celibate, waiting for the possibility that he would call. Of course, if I did this, he would only want to spend a few hours with me, before going back to his real life. As if I would settle for that shitty lifestyle ever again. How sad and depressing that this is the person I loved so much with all of my heart only five years ago. While I always knew in my heart that he never really cared or loved me the way I deserve, now I can see how ridiculous I was to have devoted so much time, effort and energy on trying to make things work. I find it easy to see now because I can compare it to what I have now. I never feel the despair and desperation with Steve that I felt on a constant basis with the ex. There is no comparison of the person I was then to the person I've become now.

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