Sunday, November 11, 2012

Celebrating and Remembering

Now that my afghan is complete, I should be devoting all my knitting time to the shawl project.  And while it does currently reside beside me on the couch, I am only periodically picking it up and knitting a few rows (unless Mr. Grumpbump asks me to do something, then I'm all about, "Hey!  I'm busy knitting here!").

Macy insisted on being in the picture
Actually I'm cheating.  Cheating on this project that should be demanding all of my attention.  I can't stop thinking about getting a new project started.  I want to make a pair of socks (haven't worked on socks in well over a year) and I have a pattern for a super cute hat.  I even bought expensive yarn to make it.

Sumptuous Yarn
I really want to do all these projects at once!  And I never seem to factor in time to do my household chores, which I really resent having to do.  I am trying to convince Mr. Grumpbump to let me get housecleaning help for these last two months of the year.  He has a bunch of family visiting during Christmas and New Year's and I just don't want to waste time deep-cleaning the house. Now I just have to find someone reputable to come in and give me a quote.

Our household is still in disarray since Tigger's passing.  I don't mean to suggest that we haven't been able to move on because we have.  Life is back to normal and I don't feel so sick to my stomach at having a sick creature in the house.  The lingering feelings are those of guilt and failure.  As a result, I cannot bring myself to get another cat.  It's hard to tell if the other cats miss Tigger and therefore would thrive with a third cat.  I personally feel that Tigger brought a certain balance to our house.  We have seen serious changes with Macy, who now seems very attached to us.  Macy does not shy away from us petting her and joins us on the couch without provocation.   I can't tell if she is clingly because she misses Tigger or if she feels safer and more content without Tigger's presence.  I initially thought she seemed depressed, and I have been a helicopter cat guardian by monitoring and scrutinizing everything consumed or drunk or pooped or peed in this house.  I can't afford to miss the symptoms of any illness the second time it happens.

Next to her favorite human
Tigger is now home with us; his ashes in a paw print tin.  I am trying to find a nice memorial stone to put in our garden.  Both vets we took him to sent us sympathy cards.  Even though Tigger was a cat, he was in our life every single day.  Every single day I fed him, gave him water, petted and kissed him.  Every single day he lived with us.  I didn't even do all of that for my husband!  And to have him here one day, seemingly happy and healthy, only to lose him without being prepared for the finality of it.  I feel like my life report card has a gigantic F on it for caregiving and no matter how well I take care of Delilah and Macy, and any other cats we  rescue along the way, I can't make up for failing Tigger.

Today is my second wedding anniversary with Mr. Grumpbump, and we are attending the wedding of our good friends later this afternoon.  We are blessed with very beautiful weather and at the end of the night, there will be CAKE!  

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