Starbucks Has Been Replaced

I like the new blogger format because it automatically resizes pictures for me.  Just another extra step I don't have to worry about.

I have already finished one sock and, true to my knitting skills, it's way too big for me.  So I immediately looked to my left to the gentleman with the size 9 1/2 shoe, and he is the lucky recipient of my as-yet-unfinished socks.    He still has room to grow, especially around the ankle, but I am satisfied with the outcome.

For My Boyfriend With Big Feet

You know how I complain about my job?  And before you think it, yes, I end up complaining about every single job I've held (since I moved to Orlando).  Today, I received some "friendly advice" not to trust everyone because I could end up on the wrong side of a "power player" and this person offering said advice has seen people lose their jobs over this.   As if losing my job scares me, that doesn't scare me; you scare me by saying I did a lousy job or my work product sucks.  But to scare me by saying I could be fired?  Not happening.  Yes, I have bills and obligations but it's just me.   I can take care of myself, even if I were to be fired.  I had to stifle a laugh when she acted like being fired was the worst thing possible.  She's never walked in my shoes.  Being fired would be a relief.  She should have said that everyone would think I'm stupid.  Now that is what causes me agita.

I can relax when I get home, although it never seems like I have enough time in the evenings, and I get to see Steve and Delilah.   The more we get to know Delilah Cat, the more I see her tailoring her activities (eating, sleeping, and prowling outside) to Steve.  She's really got herself set to his schedule.  She sleeps when he does and then when it's time for him to leave for work, she's out the door to do her own rounds of the neighborhood.   It's never been more evident to me than when I caught the two of them napping together over the weekend.

Mirror images of each other

I snapped several pictures, without the flash to make sure I would not wake them, and I even watched them for a few minutes, much like a creepy stalker.  This becomes my  new "happy place" where I want to go when the world and life and people become too much to take.

Not Wasting Time

I have one of those energy-efficient light bulbs in the lamp over my dining table.   You know what I mean, it's in the shape of a curly-q.  Tonight, a small moth got into the house, and while I sit here at the table, I am watching this little moth fly in circles up to the light and then down from the light, like it's caught in a tornado.

I finished the baby blanket today.  I ended up using the full two skeins of yarn because I was not under a time crunch with this one.  The finished project is 28" x 40".   The mom who requested the baby specifically wanted white only.  I did not double-strand the yarn so it's a very thin blanket, which is not a problem because it's ridiculously hot and humid here.

This is pre-washing and blocking

Delilah does not enjoy the fireworks tonight; she's taken to her favorite hiding space under the bed.  I'm happy with that, as long as she's in the house.

Even though she has greatly increased the amount of time she spends indoors, when I assuming has a lot to do with the extremely warm weather, she still has her moments.  She even coined a new term in the household - "mep".  When she's had enough from me, she lets me know with a "mep", which is sort of an abbreviated meow and yelp in one.  It's definitely her signal to me that I don't need to get anywhere near her.  Just me pointed in her direction can cause a mep.  I'm going to get a sample of a mep recorded so there is evidence of just how much this cat controls my behavior.

Delilah sleeping in the printer box

Did I tell you that I am knitting socks again?  Right after the baby blanket was finished, I started my first pair of socks since my Ocean City socks from last September.  Remember I have a ton of sock yarn that I need to use up before Steve will let me buy anything else.  The only problem with sock knitting is that  I constantly lose my double-pointed needles.

I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow.  The benefit of a three-day weekend is a four-day work week.

Tension

It's almost the end of June and I've not blogged once this month.  I have good intentions.  I open up a new browser window.  I log into Blogger.  I even start a New Post.  And it sits blank.  That has happened at least four times in the last three weeks.

I'm on the home stretch of my second baby blanket.  I'll post a picture of the finished object when it's off the needles.  I also started a new pair of socks, using Lions Brand sock yarn that I've had in my yarn basket for a while now.  After this baby blanket is finished, I'm going to really concentrate on working on socks.   With this second blanket, I'm not under a time crunch, so I will have time to appropriately block and dry the blanket.  I have noticed a few odd-sized stitches in my knitting, and I'm hoping that blocking will get rid of those odd spots.

I don't understand why I have random oddly-shapped stitches

I'm focusing more on my knitting because my stress level at work is out of control.  I am so tense and anxious during the day.  The 30-minute drive home does not even help me unwind.  I am out of my comfort zone and constantly question every single piece of work I produce.  

I want to be this relaxed and serene. 

When It Rains, I Knit

I've been busy lately.  I am working full-time and also took on a three-week part-time assignment transcribing podcasts.  In the middle of doing that, I got a call from my friend whose baby shower I attended last month.  She had her baby girl and we talked for a while about her birth (this was her first baby).  For my shower gift, I made a baby blanket, which my friend said she loves.  In fact, she loves it so much, she asked me to make another one!  So, today, I went to the store and purchased some more baby yarn.

Steve wanted to know why I couldn't use the yarn piled high in my yarn basket.  After rolling my eyes at him, I explained that I needed baby yarn, which I don't stockpile in my basket.  He reluctantly agreed that I should go purchase yarn for this project but made me swear not to buy any more yarn until I make a dent in my stash.  I promised him I would not, knowing that I had already ordered some more sock yarn from KnitPicks.  I'm going to start knitting socks again.

Hidden Treasures in this Stash?

Sock Yarn!!!

I'm still working on my sweater wrap; in fact, I just picked it up again after letting it sit for a while.  For simplicity, I've been working on generic dishcloths in my favorite go-to pattern.  I would link to the pattern but you have to register with site to see it.  The basics of the pattern are, starting with a cast-on of 39 stitches, you  knit the first row and then alternate rows are knit 1 and then knit 1 into the next stitch below.   It makes a great textured cloth.  I knit the pattern for 10 inches or so, and bind off.  For Mother's Day, I make three of these dishcloths (I called them washcloths) for my grandmother and they turned out very cute.

I've figured out a way to get Delilah to sit (willingly) in my lap - by getting out her brush.  She absolutely loves the way the brush feels on her forehead and cheeks and her chest.  Now that we are getting into the warm summer months, she is starting to shed much more.  When I run the brush over her back, it comes out full of hair.   I figure we need to brush her at least every two days to cut down on the shedding in the house and her hairballs.  

In case you forgot how cute she is, this a picture of Delilah from today, doing what she does best, sleeping.

No Cat Hair On Me

I have a huge complex because my cat, Delilah, hates me.  She no longer sits in my lap in the evenings and when I try to pick her up, she immediately goes into her "there-is-another-cat-in-territory" growl.   I feed this cat and I want her to love me so badly.  I guess she senses my (increasing) desperation and she just retreats.

She responds to Steve rather obediently (for a cat) by voluntarily getting into his lap and sitting contentedly.  She also will sleep next to him in the bed when he gets home in the morning.   But with me, when I try to pick her up, she immediately voices her displeasure.  To add insult to injury, she even runs and hides under the bed to get away from me, when I want to hold her and squeeze her and love her.

Steve got her to come out from her safe spot with a billion treats.  Now she's sitting by the window and I'm crushed.  I can no longer call her "my cat" - she's just the cat that lives with me and barely tolerates me.

The Work Weak

My work days consist of me trying to stay as inconspicuous as possible, but somehow ending up looking like a dumbass.   Look!  It's Debbie Dumbass.

I will have to get back with you if this ever gets better.

Appreciation for Learning

Before I met Steve, I was in a relationship with a man that defined my life (and not in a good way). My life during this period revolved around said man. All of my free time was spent on him. And I spent six years with him. I voluntarily gave up 2,190 days to benefit someone else. I had no hobbies because everything centered around him.

After extricating myself from the sickness and dependence of that nightmare, I realized part of the recovery would be to get involved with something outside of work that could occupy my time. It was hard for me to figure out what I should do; I've always been a reader but reading did not give a sense of accomplishment or encourage my creativity.

I met Steve and was very impressed with his artistry in painting. I could see Steve's personality in his paintings - devotion, straightforwardness, and positivity. I envied his ability to create something. At the time, I had no tangible evidence of my creativity. Pointing to a pile of books and saying "I read these" is not my idea of great accomplishments.

Steve tried to help me figure out what I could do but his suggestions were basically things that we could do together. I really needed something to do for myself. And that's how I discovered knitting.

Teaching myself knitting has given me confidence to try other things. I'm also learning how to speak conversational Spanish (I bought a collection of CDs called the Pimsleur Method). I have to say that my redneck hillbilly accent is not evident until I speak Spanish, and then it is overbearing! There is no doubt I'm from Polk County, Florida when I say MOO-CHAS GRA-SEE-AS.

Thank you to whatever force or entity or karma or fate bought me to this place in my life. I appreciate getting to know myself again.

Come In Quietly

I made a delicious lunch today. Sunday is the one day of the week that Steve and I share as a day off. Of course, he was a grumpbump when I woke him up to eat lunch. I made ham and green beans and homemade mashed potatoes. I was feeling pretty good, thanks to my three glasses of Sangria I downed while cooking.

It has rained most of the day, but I was good enough to get my weekly shopping done early today, so I could enjoy the afternoon. However, I did not plan accordingly and ended up at Publix. I spent $100 for a week's worth of groceries. I paid more because I determined it was too inconvenient to go to Aldi's, which is further away from me. Even though I am working again, and perhaps Publix is now in my budget, I really appreciate that Aldi's can save me so much money.

I've been knitting dishcloths lately. They are a very weird shape and it is my fault because I did not check my gauge before knitting. I hate knitting gauge squares and refuse to do it. So I tolerate my weird kite-looking dishcloths.

I have taken the whole week off from exercising and I feel terrible. I have to get back on track because I sense that work is going to start sapping my energy out of me. Also, I have been very bad about not bringing my lunch to work, although the good news that I have not been going to fast food. There is a cafeteria downstairs in my office building, and I usually get a sandwich from them. I have asked Steve to help me get back into exercise.

However, right now, I'm just enjoying the rain and drinking my coffee. My silly cat is laying on the floor next to the sofa, with her paw over her eyes as if to say "hey, it's too bright in here", sleeping the afternoon away. She's going to jump up and freak out when Steve comes in (sleeping by the front door is a good way to get spooked).

Story In Three Pictures

(Please suspend any dislike of me allowing my cat outdoors until the end of the story)

A few nights ago, Delilah and I went outside; Delilah to do her business and me to enjoy the cool breeze and fresh air.

I could hear rustling in the grassy area across the parking lot from our apartment. After my eyes adjusted, I could see the movement in the leaves. I walked up closer to see what was making the noises and saw it was an armadillo. Man, he was ferociously hunting through the leaves and grass for bugs.

I watched him for a while and he never even acknowledged my presence or looked up at me. He was a man on a mission.

I heard a noise behind me and found it was Delilah, back at the apartment, calling me to come home. I guess I needed to pay attention to her, so I politely took her picture from across the parking lot.

When I saw the picture preview on the camera, I was not sure I wanted to head home with spooky kitty eyes glowing at me. Lucky for me the real-life version of this picture was just a sweet cat who wanted to go back inside and get some food.

Knitting Till My Hands Fall Off

You have no idea how much my hands ache.  I finally finished my baby blanket today, with minutes to spare.  I had to knit for 5 hours straight to complete it.  The finished product was about 35 inches long (I was shooting for 36).

This picture shows the blanket folded over (with a close up of the basket weave pattern).

The following picture shows the entire blanket as laid out on the bed.

In a perfect world, I would have blocked it so the edges were straight, but when you get the finished product off your needles at 12:45 p.m., and  the baby shower starts at 2:00 p.m., there is no option but to just wrap it up.

As luck would have it, my gift was the last one opened at the shower.  When the mother-to-be unwrapped it, I got emotional because this is my first true knitted gift and it was for such a wonderful woman and the baby she always dreamed about.   When she held it up, I was surprised by how nice it really looked (close up I can see all of my mistakes).  

I learned a few things while knitting this project:  (a) I am not a marathon knitter, just let me knit a few hours every day and I will be fine; (b) I am terrible at budgeting my time for knitted projects; and (c) I would like to knit a baby blanket for myself one day (but I'm not holding my breath).

Knitting Countdown

I started working on the baby blanket on Sunday. I allocated at least two hours every night for it; knowing that I had to have it done by Saturday. I'm behind schedule but I don't have to work tomorrow and I plan to have most of it done by tomorrow. The baby shower is not until 2:00 p.m. on Saturday, so if I need it, I can use Saturday morning to finish it.

It's a bit of a simple blanket and it's definitely for a Florida summer baby because the yarn is thin. I'm using Bernat Softee Baby in Baby Pink Marl. The yarn is very soft and it's a really cute pink color.

Additionally, I will pick up something else for the mother-to-be as a secondary gift. She's registered at Target and Babies 'R Us so it should be easy for me to find something to go along with the blanket. If I can't finish in time, then at least I have a backup gift. I'm looking forward to this shower on Saturday even though I will not know anyone else there. I know the mom-to-be because I worked with her last year, and this baby is truly a miracle and a gift. She's only one year younger than me and this is her first baby, but I don't say that with any jealousy or envy. I know I made poor choices and that's the reason I'll never have kids. I'm not spoiling anyone else's joy because I wasted my child-bearing years with a jerk.

Speaking of jerks, the ex-boyfriend texted me a few days ago, feeling me out about the possibility of meeting up. I said no and told him I was with someone else. Even through the limitation of texting, he was pretty upset with this information and started to call me a liar, a whore, etc. I think he assumed I would remain single and celibate, waiting for the possibility that he would call. Of course, if I did this, he would only want to spend a few hours with me, before going back to his real life. As if I would settle for that shitty lifestyle ever again. How sad and depressing that this is the person I loved so much with all of my heart only five years ago. While I always knew in my heart that he never really cared or loved me the way I deserve, now I can see how ridiculous I was to have devoted so much time, effort and energy on trying to make things work. I find it easy to see now because I can compare it to what I have now. I never feel the despair and desperation with Steve that I felt on a constant basis with the ex. There is no comparison of the person I was then to the person I've become now.